My Story
At 29, I had recently completed my master's degree in education, married & a mom to boy & girl twins. I thought I was doing it all right. It seemed like I had it all together. Fast forward a couple of years & filing for divorce... my husband apparently couldn't hold a job & I was tired of working more than one and moving every year. I had given up a couple of teaching positions because of him. I had never imagined my life like this but I packed up the kids, our lives, & set out to start a new one in another state. I was excited, scared, ready & so incredibly naive.
I had never been on my own & had no idea what I was getting into with two small kids. The job I had was a good one, but as a Behavior Specialist/Mobile Therapist, I was only paid when I saw clients and my client list was growing far too slowly. By Christmas, I wasn't making enough. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to give my kids a good Christmas. I had met a guy that kept offering to help but I turned him down every time saying, "I've got this". The problem was, I didn't.
One night I made a big deal about putting up the Christmas tree with the kids. I had ordered pizza & we watched Christmas movies while we decorated the tree. It was my best attempt at making a "normal" holiday for 5 year olds. After putting them to bed, he called. As I walked by the tree, I saw it out of the corner of my eye as it started to fall toward me. I stuck my hand out to stop it and the top of the tree broke off. That was my breaking point too. I burst into tears, completely distraught that I was failing as a mom and had ruined our lives. I accepted this man's help and we were married a few months later. It felt like a fairytale. He convinced me to leave my job to support him in his business. He traded my truck in on a new car but only put his name on it. He even convinced me that I was safe to get rid of all of my furniture and belongings that I had in my own place since we only needed one house. I thought I was doing the right thing for all of us, but I couldn't have been more wrong. My fairytale became a nightmare.
I tried to cancel the wedding. I was already getting clues that this was a bad idea. He threatened me when I suggested it, so I went along with the wedding because I had no idea what else to do. By the time we came back from our honeymoon, I didn't even recognize him. We fought constantly. He convinced me to leave my job, kept me from friends and family, and made me sell my things. I had lost everything, including my self-respect, identity, & hope. I was trapped. We ended up in an awful fight and he threw me into a wall, dislocating my shoulder.
While he was on a hunting trip, I moved out with the help of my church, but he convinced me to go back and go to counseling. I swore that if he ever put his hands on me again, I would leave. I prayed every night for a way out. I was already making plans to move out when it happened again. He verbally attacked my kids and that was it. He grabbed me from behind and split my lip, & shoved me into a wall again. When I went to work, he refused to let me in the house. That was the last time I spoke to him. When I called the police, they arrested him. I was allowed to stay in the house to pack until I moved out. His terror continued when he got into the house, turned off the alarms and I noticed his handgun was missing. I had the police on speed dial & remember the chill when the officer told me to "Get out. Get out now" and at 2 am, fled to a friend's house to stay that night.
I had to start over completely and rented a badly furnished house. I had been teaching horseback riding lessons and every time a client paid in cash, I left it with my mom in an envelope until I had enough to pay the first month rent and security deposit. Although I have my degrees in education, there weren't any jobs available in the middle of the school year. An opportunity came to me, and I started my own business as a professional horse trainer. I was terrified but determined and willing to put the work in. I'd be damned if I would fail so I made sure that I didn't. As if I wasn't dealing with enough, my dad who was my absolute rock, passed away due to pancreatic cancer during this time. My safety net was gone and I felt so alone.
Ironically, I heard from someone that my ex-husband had said, "She'll be fine. She's a survivor." That statement drove me to push harder because of the number of times he told me I couldn't do anything without his help. Five years later, it was time for me to change my mindset from survival to goal setting. I decided to go back to teaching. I tested out of a Pk-4 certification to be more marketable but took a teaching job in Baltimore at a high school. The school was just outside of Inner Harbor in Maryland. It was a dangerous school, the pay was low, and my commute was long, but I loved the faculty & my kids, and I had a plan. It was a rough couple of years. I even had someone shot and killed outside of my classroom so when a position came open in my home district, I applied and got the job. As soon as I did, I bought my own house with a promise to my kids that we had a permanent home at least until they graduated. I hadn't just survived, I thrived!
The job in my home district was teaching PE in the junior high school. I was very content with all that I had achieved at this point but then Covid happened. Teaching has never been the same. I was not feeling fulfilled, I was exhausted & struggled to find the energy & passion for my job that I've always had. I even chose to transfer to the high school classroom in hopes that I could find it again. I didn't. In fact, that year was the worst & lowest year of my career. I'd never thought of doing anything else but at that point I knew I had hit bottom. Physically, mentally & emotionally drained, frequent debilitating headaches, lack of energy & utter exhaustion had sucked the remaining life out of me. I have always loved coaching and that year was all I could do to get through it. I had never felt like I had failed my students & my athletes like that before and I was failing my own kids at home. I was miserable and decided I couldn't & wouldn't ever do another year like that.
When I had someone coaching & the right questions to guide me, I have found my place. The things I love the most about teaching, I still get to share. I've been a Health & PE teacher for years. I'm also a personal trainer and group fitness instructor. Now I get to combine all these things to help educators find their direction & purpose to create the life they want to live. With the right mindset, it's possible to look at these changes as a second chance to do life the way you dreamed it to be. If you choose to stay in the profession and find a way to be healthier and create boundaries or want to find another purposeful & more fulfilling career & lifestyle, I can help. The beauty of regeneration is that we aren't starting over but creating a better life based on experience & knowledge. It's literally just a chance to do be stronger & correct things we want to change.
I get to share my story & coach people all over the world, speak to audiences that need help finding balance in their careers & life but also in taking care of themselves. There is no right answer to the path you want to take but having someone help you find the right one for you is priceless. I am so grateful to be in a place where my struggles have shaped me & changed my mindset from a lack of confidence, insecurity & dependency to a goal-driven, successful, confident person living my very best life. I am showing my kids how to be resilient no matter what life throws at them and now I'm able to help others navigate their paths to get there too. I was right where you are at some point in this journey. I promise, there is a light at the end of your tunnel too. If I was able to recreate my life the way I wanted it, so can you.
If my story resonates with you or someone you know, please feel free to share it. Sometimes sharing our struggles is the best way to help others. I'd love to schedule a complimentary discovery call with you to see if I can help you figure out what you need in order to discover your purpose or find more fulfillment in your life and career. I'm currently offering complimentary discovery sessions where we can work together to ensure you can move from discouraged & exhausted to fulfilled & purposeful. I can't wait to hear from you!
